Once Upon a Driveway
by chinocoop81
Summary: "One day you're going to be out somewhere – anywhere. Maybe you're at home, at class, at a party. You can be alone or in a crowd full of people. You'll be entirely fine, and then it's going to hit you. That you're not alone. That you and me are meant to be together. " RM slightly AU because Marissa didn't die. ONE SHOT


**A/N So, years ago on the fox OC message boards there was this series with a story called "Once Upon a Driveway". I do not mean to steal this title. I merely thought it worked really well here. **

The silence in Ryan's car as he drove Marissa to the airport was subtle. It was easy. It was something both he and Marissa were accustomed to. They didn't talk. Not when they were together, a little more when they were apart, but still – he could do the silence. Silence was easier than words.

If he knew how, he would tell her that he didn't want her to leave. She didn't belong on a boat in the middle of the ocean anymore than he did. She belonged in college, at Berkeley, in his life someway. They didn't need to be together, and he didn't know if he even _wanted_ them together, but he _needed_ her in his life. She had been the first person he met here, but he had never wanted to say goodbye.

They made casual conversation, but neither said anything important. She commented on his Journey CD. He said it was better than that angry music she listened to. She laughed and called him old. He smiled and said sometimes he felt old.

When they reached the airport, she was surprised that he took the turn to the parking garage. "I'm perfectly capable of going in on my own. You could've dropped me off by the curb," she said, not turning to him. She knew the goodbye was nearing, and she dreaded it just as much as he did.

"Marissa, I've known you for three years. You're leaving for a year." He glanced her way quickly before turning back to the road. "The least I can do is walk you to security."

He carried her bags for her. One carry on, one to check. He stood to the side while she checked her bag and printed her boarding pass. He walked with her around the corner, and suddenly there it was – the security checkpoint. The dreaded goodbye had come. They could no longer put it off.

He didn't turn to her, just stuffed his hands into his pockets, offering her an awkward smile. She glanced around, rubbing her arms, trying to find a way to even begin saying goodbye to the only boy she had ever truly loved. Finally, she said, "So…"

He rubbed his neck with the back of his hand. "So…"

They met each other's eyes and both laughed softly. "Hard to believe after everything we've been through we've got nothing left to say."

His smile faded as he remembered those words. Realizing what she'd said, her smile also faded. He glanced down at his boots before meeting her gaze again, eyes locking. "I'm sorry, Marissa."

She furrowed her eyebrows. "For what?"

He shook his head, smiling weakly. "Everything."

She stared at him, and he stared at her. Neither spoke. She had already apologized, and now it was his turn. "I wouldn't have done it any differently," she murmurs softly, and his lips lifted into a smile again.

He shook his head, his smile not leaving. "Come here." He opened his arms, and she drops her bag, immediately walking to him.

They hug for a long time. Longer than anyone else around them. Long enough that he's sure he will never forget the smell of chlorine and vanilla on her. Long enough that he almost forgets where they are and why they're here in the first place.

She stepped back, wiping her eyes. "I should probably go," she finally said, taking a few steps back, grabbing her bag once again.

He merely nodded, his own eyes and chest and stomach burning. He didn't want her to go. He didn't want to leave her here. He didn't want her to leave him. "Have a safe flight," he said, despite the voice in his head telling him not to let her leave.

She nodded, smiling softly before turning and walking away. He watched her get in the security line. There weren't many people ahead of her. She would be through in less than five minutes. Then she would disappear behind the glass and he wouldn't see her again for a year. Maybe more. He didn't like that. He didn't like it one bit.

Two minutes passed and she was next in line to hand over her ID and passport when he finally shouted, "Marissa!" She turned, eyes widening when she saw him still standing in the exact same spot.

He jogged the little ways to her, and she stepped out of line. "Ryan, what are you…?"

"Don't go," he said breathlessly.

Her eyes widened even more, and he saw them brighten, or maybe it was his imagination. "Ryan…"

"Don't go," he repeated, his words coming out quickly. "Kaitlin and your mom… you all just started getting along. Summer is going to probably kill Seth without you here, and someone has to keep her in line. Kirsten… she loves you like a daughter. I know she does. And Sandy loves you too. He'd never say it out loud directly, but he does." He saw her eyes beginning to water, and he figured this must be it. She would definitely stay. "And me…I don't want you to go. We can go to Berkeley. We'll figure this whole friends thing out. It'll be me and you against all of them." He smiled weakly. "They won't know what hit them."

Marissa wiped her eyes, but something had changed about them. The brightness was gone. Her eyes were sad again. "Ryan," she said softly, her voice slightly breaking. "We know I can't stay."

He shook his head, refusing to believe it even though he knew she was right. "No, you can. You can stay and you'll be great. Everyone will be so happy you stayed. They'll have a party.."

Marissa shook her head, placing her hand on his arm, and even now it made his body react. Since the moment he'd met her, his body had always reacted at her touch, at her glance. "No, I can't." She smiled sadly, wiping the few stray tears once again, regaining her composure. "You know, you were the one person who could've made me stay."

"Then why aren't you?" he asked, so confused.

She bit her lip, squeezing his arm gently before dropping her hand, picking up her bag so she could go back in line. "I wrote you a letter. You should be getting it soon in the mail." She tilted her head, eyes so sad as she gazed at him. "It explains everything. I have to go now, Ryan." She smiled softly. "Keep in touch, okay?"

He merely nodded, his heart hurting. "I will. Emails, phone calls.." He smiled sadly, his eyes matching hers. "It'll be like you're right here."

She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. He realized then that since they had broken up, her smiles never did reach her eyes. Not usually. Only on occasion. "Goodbye, Ryan."

He watched her move forward in line. Right before she went through the detector, he called out, "I'll miss you, you know." She turned and he saw her eyes watering again, tears spilling over. "I understand why you have to do this."

She nodded towards him, walking toward the detector. "Thank you."

She walked through without a sound, and then she left.

He didn't see her again for a long time.

XXXXX

_To: Marissa_

_From: Ryan_

_Subject: Hey_

_Date: June 15, 2006_

_So, no letter still. I've been checking daily. I don't know what the deal is. Did you address it correctly? _

_Seth and Summer are good. Bickering as usual. The other day Seth inadvertently called Summer fat, or so she says. They didn't talk for two days. I wasn't there for the makeup, and I'm kind of glad. They stayed locked in his or her room for another two days. It was so quiet without them around. Kind of nice, but so weird. Don't tell them I told you it, but I have no idea how I'll last at school without having them around to bicker all the time._

_Sandy and Kirsten are great. Same old things with them – Sandy has his bagels, Kirsten has her newfound cooking. Both are doing well. Things with the Newport Group have died down. They've decided they are going to sell it after all. Guess I don't have that to lean back on for a job, huh?_

_Your mom and Kaitlin are also doing well. I think your mom and Neil are really getting along. I saw them the other day at the grocery store. Your mom was grocery shopping – crazy, huh? We both had a sample of cheddar cheese and said hi to each other. She was nice to me! Imagine that. Who knew you would have to leave for your mom and me to get along? Anyway, Kaitlin is becoming more social. I saw her at the beach with Luke's younger brothers. It was weird seeing them again after all these years. They've definitely grown. This one has curly hair and looks like a big dork though. How much you want to bet that they're her slaves?_

_And me – I'm fine. It's weird thinking about college starting soon, but I know I'll enjoy it. At least I hope so. I'm trying to enjoy my time with everyone before we leave. It's kind of scary to think that I'm going to be all alone in a few months. Kind of like when I came to Newport. Except something tells me I won't be meeting some girl at the bottom of the driveway. _

_How are you doing? It's nearly a month since you've been gone. We all miss you. People ask me if I've heard from you all the time like I'm the only person emailing you all the time. I know that you call your mom and email Summer. I wouldn't even be surprised if you emailed Seth every now and then. I don't understand it, but oh well. I hope you're good. I hope you're seeing a lot of beautiful things and getting this travelling thing out of your system so you can come back home. Has it been a year yet?_

_Say hi to your dad for me._

_Ryan_

XXXXX

_**To: Ryan**_

_**From: Marissa**_

_**Subject: Egypt!**_

_**Date: July 15, 2006**_

_**Still no letter? It's been a week since your last email, but something tells me it still hasn't come in yet? I have no idea what's going on. I swear I sent it! And yes, I've told you twenty times now, I used the right address. I checked and I checked. Maybe it just got lost. Are you sure you haven't gotten it yet? **_

_**Today we arrived in Alexandria. Very pretty. As always, I'm happy when I no longer see nothing but water. I'm over seasickness, but that doesn't mean I particularly enjoy the open sea. I rather appreciate the beach now. After this, if I never get on a boat again, it will be okay.**_

_**I don't have a lot of time right now. You know how it is. I'm glad to hear you're doing well. And the story you told about Seth getting Sandy drunk was too funny! I laughed so hard that people nearby gave me looks. It's things like that that make me miss home. **_

_**You'll be fine next month when you start college. Don't sweat it, Ry. You're going to do so great, I just know it.**_

_**Have to go! Don't forget to write, and stop worrying yourself so much. I'm fine. My hands are a bit more callused now, but I am perfecting the art of peeling potatoes.**_

_**Tell everyone I miss them. And you.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Marissa**_

XXXXX

_To: Marissa_

_From: Ryan_

_Subject: First week _

_Date: September 1, 2006_

_So, I survived my first week of classes. I'm exhausted. Who knew college was so stressful? I thought Harbor was hard. These professors just really don't care if you have a life or not, they will assign as much homework and reading as they please. It's driving me crazy. Help!_

_Wow, Tripoli? That's insane. Never would have guessed any of us would visit Libya. So you're docking in Sicily next, right? I bet that will be pretty. Sounds like all the really cool places to visit are coming up soon. I look forward to seeing more pictures! That one of you in your worker's outfit was very cute. Made me smile like crazy. How someone can still look good wearing an apron and hair net, I'll never know. Then again, you always could pull off anything._

_My roommate is cool, just a bit loud. Like Seth. Except no one can replace Seth. Of course, not like he isn't still bugging me. Not getting into Brown may have been the worst thing for both of us. Now he has all this time on his hands and never stops calling. He got a job at a comic book store though, so that's good. Maybe it'll keep him busy._

_Roommate is making me go to this party, so I have to go. Send more pictures! _

_As always, say hi to your dad for me._

_Ryan_

_P.S. Any chance you remember what that letter said? Still nothing._

XXXXX

_**To: Ryan**_

_**From: Marissa**_

_**Subject: Algeria!**_

_**Date: October 25, 2006**_

_**Hey! So you haven't emailed me back yet. It's been a week. Guess you're busy. Just wanted you to know that we docked in Algiers. I'm good. Dad is good. He says hi. I always forget to tell you.**_

_**Um.. so, yeah. I guess that new girl Chloe is keeping you busy, huh? Send a picture. I'd love to know what this girl who keeps you so occupied looks like! I'm sure she's beautiful. You always did date the prettiest girls. Used to drive me insane.**_

_**So.. talk to you when I talk to you. Sorry that letter never came in. I still have faith that it will! Tell everyone I miss them! And you, of course.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Marissa**_

XXXXX

_To: Marissa_

_From: Ryan_

_Subject: Sorry :(_

_Date: December 1, 2006_

_Hey… I'm so sorry for not emailing you last week. Again. I just get really busy and distracted. Chloe never lets me have any free time, and my professors are riding me hard. Finals are in a couple of weeks and I had midterms not too long ago. You know how it is. Things just get insane. I really am sorry. It's not like I don't think about you. I do. I swear I do._

_Barcelona looks beautiful. You look stunning as always. I don't know of anyone else who can take an ordinary picture and look like a model except for you. But gosh, that scenery. I can't imagine what it's like to see those things in person. It feels like you're on another planet. It's insane._

_I have a lot of stuff to do. Homework really is a bitch. Especially for freshmen. Apparently professors think we are stupid, so they give us even more to punish us. I hate stereotypes._

_Anyway, say hi to your dad._

_Ryan_

XXXXX

_**To: Ryan**_

_**From: Marissa**_

_**Subject: France**_

_**Date: December 15, 2006**_

_**I really like Marseilles. I think someday I want to own a house just on the beach somewhere over here. I've been on the Mediterranean long enough to know that it's beautiful around here. The temperature is like back home, except it's just more magical. Everything is so much clearer out there. I think sometimes I just want to stay. Let the boat leave me behind.**_

_**School sounds crazy. I understand. You have a life. I'm on the other side of the globe. It's just amazing you email me at all given that crazy life of yours. I understand that. I'm just appreciative you email anymore. You don't have to worry about calling. After you missed our last scheduled time, you don't have to worry about it. I understand. Really. **_

_**I'm glad you're happy. It's all I wanted for you.**_

_**Tell everyone I miss them.**_

_**Love, **_

_**Marissa**_

XXXXX

Over Christmas, Ryan felt strange being back in Newport again. It felt so much smaller now that he was home, yet at the same time so large. He was used to living in a college setting. He was used to no middle aged people except for maybe professors or store managers. He was used to his independence.

On Christmas Eve, he pulled out his phone and called Marissa without even thinking about the time difference. They hadn't talked on the phone in two months, not since he had forgotten their planned calls. They used to talk so much more than they did now, but life had gotten in the way. He used to email back the day he got hers. Now, the longest he went was three weeks before he emailed back. She understood though. She was always good at understanding.

After a while, a very sleepy voice said, "Hello?"

"Marissa, hey," he said, smiling softly.

He heard shuffling, then a click, probably of the lamp. "Ryan. Hey." A yawn. "I didn't expect to hear from you."

"I wanted to tell you Merry Christmas."

More shuffling. "Well, thank you. You were certainly the first one."

He thought. "Oh my god… what time is it there?"

She yawned again. "Little after six."

"AM?"

"Yep." Another yawn. "But it's fine, really. I'm glad to hear from you. It's a nice gesture."

"I'm sorry for not calling lately. I've been…"

"Busy, I know." More shuffling. "No need to apologize."

"Where are you now, anyway? You haven't responded to my email."

"Nice, France. We're going to stay here for a couple of weeks, let people celebrate the holidays." She paused. "How's Chloe?"

"We broke up." He sighed. "Been a few weeks."

"Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't tell me."

"I know. I don't know why I didn't. Guess I didn't feel like talking about it." He sighed now. "How are you?"

"Other than sleepy? I'm fine. Good. Nice is pretty. France is beautiful. I've seen more of the world than I ever thought I would. Why wouldn't I be happy?"

He thought about that. "I don't know. Why wouldn't you?"

She sighed. "How is everybody?"

"They're all good." He paused. "Seth and Summer went on and on about all the pictures you sent them the other day."

"Yeah, some of Nice all decorated with lights."

"You didn't send me any." He paused again, then added, "You haven't emailed me back."

"I've been busy," she said, and somehow it made his chest constrict. She had emailed Seth, Summer, her mom, Kaitlin, and even Kirsten. Yet she hadn't emailed him. And she hadn't told him she missed him. She always did that. "I figured you would understand."

"I do," he said, probably too quickly.

"Did you ever get my letter?"

"What?"

"My letter. The one I told you I sent you at the airport." She paused. "Ever get it?"

He shook his head, rubbing his face. "Oh, that. I totally forgot about that after all this time. No, I never got it. It never came in the mail."

Silence, more deafening than any noise. Finally, "It's probably for the best anyway. If you were meant to get it, you would have gotten it. Guess it just wasn't meant to be."

He smiled. "Since when do you believe in destiny and fate?"

"I always have. Guess I just believe in it a little more now."

He frowned. "What does that mean?"

"Nothing." Shuffling. "Look, Ryan, it's really early…"

"Oh. Right. Go back to sleep."

"Okay. Bye."

"Merry Christmas, Marissa."

Pause. Silence. "Merry Christmas, Ryan." Click. Dial tone.

He put his phone away.

XXXXX

A few days after Christmas, he finally receives the letter.

_**May 18, 2006**_

_**Dear Ryan,**_

_**My eyes are watering up as I write this. The thought of saying goodbye to you later on today is making me so emotional. By the time you read this I'll already be in Greece, maybe even at sea. It's so funny to think about. Who would have ever thought I'd be the one stuck in the middle of the ocean? Definitely not me. Then again, I thought we'd be together forever. **_

_**I know when we are at the airport I'll want to tell you so many things. I also know that I won't say any of them. I know that those things will be left unsaid unless I write them down. We never were ones for talking. It's as much my fault as it is yours. We don't like to open ourselves up and express what we really feel. Why is that? Is it us? There was a time when I would have gladly told you all my secrets because I knew you'd keep them safe. Now, I feel like we're more strangers than friends. **_

_**We've been through hell together, haven't we? I thought that it would only bring us closer. But there are all these things that we never said sitting in the room between us, and no matter how close we are physically, I feel like we are oceans apart. How ironic – now, literally we will be. **_

_**I know if you told me to stay, I would. If you open your arms, I'm going to fall into them. If you kiss me, I'll kiss back. That's how our relationship is. Or at least, that's how it's become. When I shot Trey, I did it to save the most important person in my life. I felt guilty because I took your family away from you. I felt like I could never be enough, especially after that. How could you love someone who would should your brother? Your silence spoke louder than words. You were upset with me. You were upset with Trey. You were upset with yourself. **_

_**So many nights I cried myself to sleep and woke up sweating and screaming as I relived that moment. Every single time I never hesitated to pull the trigger. Even though in some ways I lost you and us when I pulled that trigger, I still do not regret it. Johnny was only someone to talk to. His death was only another thing for me to feel guilty for. You would look at me, and I was sure you knew that I was this horrible person because you wouldn't tell me otherwise. I don't blame you for breaking up with me. I would have broken up with me. The guilt ate me away. As always, I did not deserve you. I don't think I ever have.**_

_**But here's the thing, Ryan. I know how our future will look. Or how I see it. Right now we aren't meant for each other. We aren't compatible emotionally. I need you to feel, and you don't want to. I need you to tell me it's okay, but you don't even know that yourself. I thought I could be strong for the both of us, but I've never been particularly good at that. It's why I'm leaving. I need to get strong – for me, for us. Maybe after all this I'll finally think I'm good enough. And that's such an important part.**_

_**Right now you don't want me. I know that. I'm sorry. I've hurt you. You've hurt me. Like I said, right now we aren't meant for each other. But in the end, I know that we'll find our way back together. This trip is my way of preparing myself for that day. I know that I have a lot of work to do for myself. I'm ready for it.**_

_**You probably think I'm some crazy lovesick teenager. Well, I'm not. This is the first mature thing I've ever done, and the most mature I've ever been. I'm not running from my problems, I'm healing so we can move forward.**_

_**I know you need to prepare yourself too. Right now I may seem crazy and overly optimistic about us, but I know the truth. I know what it feels like to be with the person you're just meant to spend your whole life with. And soon enough you'll know too. **_

_**One day you're going to be out somewhere – anywhere. Maybe you're at home, at class, at a party. You can be alone or in a crowd full of people. You'll be entirely fine, and then it's going to hit you. That you're not alone. That you and me are meant to be together. We are.**_

_**I know this. I know it's going to happen. Because once upon a driveway ago it happened to me. I fell in love. I found the person who made me understand the meaning behind all the bad things that happen. One of these days you'll have that epiphany. Until then, we can't be together. Until then, we aren't ready for each other. Until then, I have to leave. I can't stay. **_

_**I will always love you, Ryan.**_

_**Love, **_

_**Marissa**_

XXXXX

One day, months later, it happened.

He was at a party. An utterly insignificant, unimportant, unremarkable party.

He refilled his cup. A plastic red cup with the white insides that he'd used a million times before and thought nothing of.

A girl walked over to him, drunkenly caressed his arm, cooed something he could not remember seconds later.

He glanced up to smile and flirt, but then he remembered her. Marissa. The first weekend they met at his first beach party. The way she took his drink and drank from it. The way her eyes were glazed over and yet challenging and inquisitive. The way he found her, passed out, on her front doorstep. The way he carried her to the pool house, to the bed that he did not yet claim. The way he watched her all night just to make sure she was okay.

And it hit him. It was Marissa Cooper. It had always been Marissa Cooper. She was the girl for him. The one who could both get his heart beating faster and calm him down.

She was the woman he'd live for. The girl he'd die for. The only person he had ever truly almost killed for. And he'd do it again. He'd commit murder in every single way if only to protect her. Because she was his.

And for the first time, he realized that, _yes_, he was hers.

Dropping the cup, he turned and left.

XXXXX

He took the first plane to Naples. That's where she was docked for the next week. She had just landed the day before. He knew because her mom told him. Marissa very rarely replied to his emails anymore. She never said she missed him anymore. She never even used the word "love" before ending with her name.

He hoped it wasn't too late.

He found her in the hotel's restaurant sitting outside by herself, overlooking the water.

He walked to her, stood before her, did not even blink when she turned to see him and gasped.

He pulled up a chair, never taking his eyes from hers as he sat down.

He pulled out the letter from his back pocket, a letter he'd read fifteen times over, a letter he carried with him everywhere he went.

Her eyes darted between him and the letter before she merely nodded, eyes dim with disappointment and extinguished hope.

He gestured towards the letter, then reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together. She still had not said anything. Neither had he. She waited. He realized then that she had always waited for him. He hated how long it had taken him to come to her.

"It happened at a party," he finally said, gazing into her eyes.

Her eyes widened slightly, the hope reigniting as her gaze softened. She understood.

He smiled, found her more beautiful than anything he had ever seen before. More beautiful than the amazing backdrop of Naples and water and sky behind her. More beautiful even than the first day he met her, once upon a driveway ago when he still thought he was lost.

He realized then that she had found him. In every single way. He opened his mouth. "Come home." His eyes bore into hers. "I'm ready if you are."

She merely smiled, leaned in close. "I've been waiting eight months for you to say that."

He leaned his forehead against hers. "Blame the United States Posta Service. And fate or destiny or whatever you call it." He smiled, eyes sparkling. "And maybe my stupidity."

She laughed, the sound falling on his lips as he finally kissed her. There was so much to say, and this time, he _would _say it. This was it. This was their time. Ryan and Marissa. This time, forever.

XXXXX

**A/N So I don't like the ending, but that's all I could write haha. Thanks for reading. PLEASE review :)**

**Also, my readers of You've Got Mail – expect a Friday post as always!**


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